Family Stories - Ash Patini & Laxmi Patel
Ash Patini will never forget the peace and love that his dying mother was able to experience thanks to Myton Hospice in Warwick.
His mother, Laxmi Patel, died at Myton after being admitted as an in-patient because she was in so much pain. Although her illness was the cause of much sorrow, knowing how content his mother felt in the tranquillity of the hospice, comforts Ash.
“Mum being in Myton gave myself and my sister Koki a lot of confidence. We knew that she was cared for,” he says. “We knew they were taking care of her medically and controlling her pain because she had been in agony. The environment was so caring and loving and we genuinely felt happy for mum. It showed in her face when she was there, the care she received. Nothing was ever too much trouble for the nurses or staff.”
Ash, an office manager for Coventry City Council’s area co-ordination team, was not really aware of what a hospice was, or the work that it did, until the time came when his mum needed Myton’s help.
Laxmi was in her mid-60’s when she was diagnosed with a tumour in her chest wall. After she had complained for months about chest pain, an X-ray finally revealed the cancer, which had progressed too far for hope of a cure.
Ash, who lives in Binley, said, “I must admit I had never heard of the hospice before it was suggested that mum went there. I knew a hospice would be a bit like a hospital and I had this perception that it was a place where people went to die, where someone’s last few days could pass by with dignity. When I actually went to Myton it was totally different to my initial perception. I couldn’t believe the work that happened there.”
Laxmi, a stalwart of the Asian community was involved in numerous voluntary activities, including day centres for older Asian women. “She was quite an extrovert woman and commanded a lot of respect for her work with the day centres and she had lots of friends,” Ash said. “She took her illness very hard and searched for some sort of peace. She turned to her Hindu background but could not find any answers. But in her last weeks at Myton the Chaplain there helped her to find peace through God and that was a great help.”
For Ash, travelling to Warwick to visit his mum was not a problem but he recognises that it might be different for many other families. “There were a lot of mums’ friends who would have liked to have visited her but just couldn’t get down to see her,” he said. “If there had been a hospice in Coventry which mum could have gone to, then it would have been much simpler.
Before her death Laxmi told her family she had £500 set aside for the hospice, for whatever staff needed to buy. It was a generous gesture from a woman who was not rich but who was grateful for the kindness shown to her during a time of trial.
Ash too is grateful and at some point would dearly like to repay the debt by carrying out charity work for the hospice.
“I am eternally grateful to Myton and nothing can express the indebtedness I feel,” he said. “Being at Myton meant mum was able to have the sort of quality of life before she died, which she would not have had at home or in hospital. I knew she was safe and being looked after and that she was happy there, which meant that I was able to get on with my life as much as I could without worrying if she was in pain or lonely.”
“At Myton she felt really secure, comfortable and cared for. She knew she could discuss things that she might not feel able to with her GP or hospital doctor. We knew she was happy because she was always smiling.”